I’ve moved back to toronto and I’ve been chased by guys since the night I stepped foot here. Every single one of them want to be with me and are great guys in different ways, but I can’t. I don’t have any sort of emotional attachment to them, we kiss and I feel nothing, we play and I feel nothing. I just can’t feel anymore. I’m happy with my life and I’m happy to be here. I just want my feeling back, being numb all the time isn’t fun anymore. I want to be in love with someone again, but I can’t let myself do it.

I’m annoyed at the fact that my brother can sit there and talk down to me. My brother is 25 years old, unemployed and living out of garbage bags because he’s too lazy to get a job to help his girlfriend out with her apartment that she’s losing. I just turned 20, I’m unemployed but searching and willing to work. My mom is still supporting me because I live with her. I want to go back to school. I have goals and dreams that I want to accomplish, but I need a little help and nobody in my family is willing to help me, therefore I have to count on myself to get all of this done. I’m just so sick to death of my brother, he makes me sick. He should be so ashamed of his life because he’s the biggest loser I’ve ever met. I have nothing against people who smoke pot, but my brother does it to an extreme. I’ve never seen someone go from ‘happy’ one minute to ‘ready to tear someone’s head off’ another minute. My anxiety gets so high around him because he’s always putting me down. Trust me, big things are happening soon and I’ll show you how much of a “go no where” I am. Fucking punk.

I wasn’t looking for this, but now you’re in my way.

I can’t get over how great I feel. I mean, I’m still a mess among my other stresses, but I’m not lonely or depressed. I thought I needed you, I thought I had to have you in my life, but I don’t. I have no emotion left tieing myself to you. I feel like you never existed and let’s just say that’s an amazing feeling. So here’s to you douche bag, thinking that you could break me. I survived and I’m gonna keep living.